Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
