I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize