using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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