Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
