some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
