I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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