Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
