it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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