he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
