Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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