Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
