I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
