I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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