So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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