Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
