my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
