Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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