I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
