East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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