i love accidental penises.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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