Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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