but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
