Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
