Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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