He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it was like eating out sand paper
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
