Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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