We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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