Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
