i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
