hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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