Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
