Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
