WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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