This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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