Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
