but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
