Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
