just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
