mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
