Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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