Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
