Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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