And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
