I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
