Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
