i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize