There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will be naked everywhere
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
