seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
