you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize