Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
