I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
