worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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