I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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