Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
