why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
