Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
