I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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