Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
