Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
