Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
