Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
