The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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