I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
