I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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