Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
