these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
