wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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