I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
