Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
